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I should have been there for her.” He turned his face from her. “I don’t want you to see me like this ... I don’t want to be like this. I want my mom back.”“I know what you’re going through. I understand the guilty feelings. I’ve been there.” Aja gently turned his face toward hers. “Jason -- don’t ever feel shy about showing your emotions to me. And, don’t keep them bottled up. You might explode.”“Oh, Aja...” He threw his arms around her and began sobbing on her shoulder. His sobbing became wailing.“That’s it,” she said. “Let it out, Jason. It’s cathartic.”Jason sobbed, his shoulders shaking as Aja held him and caressed his hair. Gradually his weeping subsided. Aja kissed tears from his face and handed him a facial tissue. “Feeling better?” she asked.He nodded. “It feels like a weight’s been lifted. I still feel guilt, though.”“I had an albatross of guilt around my neck for years after my parents died. I was convinced what happened was my fault.”“It wasn’t ... it couldn’t have been.. All of it. There were no more words, no more images, no more dark thoughts of love and lust and the ultimate Domination. I had been a part of something special. I had come into my own. I had found where I belonged. I had sat in the middle of a garden of decadence and splendor. And then I lost my way. Stepped off the path for a brief moment and all was quiet. All the voices inside my head had ceased to exist and I had fallen. My broken and battered spirit carried me to the corner where I now reside. I beat myself this time. Whipped and scarred…so much blood pouring from my wounds and mingling with my tears. I was bound, not by nylon and silk as once before, but by my own fear and worthlessness. I no longer fought my invisible prison, finally accepting it for what it was…the only home I’d ever known, the only place in Heaven or Hell or any world in between that would welcome me without comment or question. The void inside where my heart once beat was now black and cold. My soul.
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